Begin by identifying your medical condition. Call your illness by its name - breast cancer - and not a general word like lump, bump or boo-boo. This helps reduce your child's fear that she might get your disease and lets her know you trust her with honest and open communication.

The worst way for a child to learn about troubling news is to overhear it. News learned by accident is often confusing and inaccurate. Let your child know you trust her by telling her directly what is happening and what to expect.

Welcome all of your child's questions. Let your child know you are interested in questions on any topic. Try to be available at times and in settings in which your child is more likely to talk with you. These may include in the car, at the kitchen table, while you cook, or at bedtime.

Figure out the "real" question your child wants to ask. Ask your child to tell you what he is wondering about and why. Your curiosity may help you and your child uncover underlying concerns or worries. Many times there is a specific concern that can be more easily answered than the initial questions.

Not all questions require immediate or detailed answers. It's all right to say, "That's a good question. I'll need to think about it or talk it over with my (doctor, nuse, social worker, spouse or other family member) and get back to you."

Don't let your child worry alone. Encourage your child to share his worries with you. Sometimes people outside the family say unhelpful things with the kindest intentions. Ask your child to share what others may have said about cancer in general or about your particular condition. Let your child know how varied the illness is, and that someone else's cancer experience is unlikely to be the same as yours.

Keep the channels of communication open with key caregivers, such as grandparents, teachers, babysitters, coaches and the parents of close friends. Ask your child to help you identify who the key people should be. To make it easier for these people to provide the emotional support and stable routine your child needs, notify them about any changes in your condition or treatment. Talk with each child's teacher and let your children know whom they can talk to if they have a hard time at school.

Try to maintain your child's usual schedule. Regular routines provide a sense of normalcy. It may help to assign tasks, post schedules, make lists or use calendars to help your child and caregivers know what each day holds.

Respect a child's wish to not talk. Even a non-talker needs basic information, including any details that may directly affect him. But it's okay if your child doesn't want to have a discusssion. You can check in with him to find out if he is hearing too much, too little or the right amount about your illness, treatment and changes at home.

Protect family time. Maintain regular telephone and visitor-free times when your child has your full attention. Use this time to check in on the details of your child's day. Some families designate a "captain of kindnesses" who, with parental direction, helps family and friends detertmine ways to be most useful. This person can be a buffer, fielding phone calls and inquiries so that family time focuses on the children, not on the parent's illness.

Hospital visits often help children feel less worried. Adjust the length of the visit to what your child can comfortably manage by bringing in an extra adult who can take your child for a walk of snack if necessary. Talk to your child after the visit to address any confusion or worries. Your medical team can help you find good times for family visits.

Take good care of yourself. This may include spending time with friends and family, engaging in favorite activities, or finding quiet time. It also includes seeking the information you need to feel confident about your medical care, getting treatment to minimize side effects, and getting support to address your emotional needs.

This information was provided by The Marjorie E. Korff PACT Program at the Massachusetts General Hospital